Healthy Parenting

"To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them. 

-President Thomas S. Monson

Being a parent, do you ever feel that your kids don't seem to listen to or care about what you say? Do you ever feel underappreciated or feel that you're a tool? That your kids just use you to have their needs met? Do you ever want to give up and focus on yourself for a while? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is likely that at one point or another you have also felt power over your children and felt that you have the right as their parent to make them do what you want. Of course you don't always feel this way; there are times when you feel loved, appreciated, and enjoy spending time with and sacrificing for your children. However, due to our natural state, it is always easier to focus on and remember the things that aggravate us.  Yet as we remember that we are children of a supernatural being and as such are destined to become supernatural beings, and that we have supernatural help readily available to us, we can find peace and hope in being the parents our children need us to be.

Let's review three styles of parenting that are widespread and that have important consequences for children's well-being: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive parenting. 

The authoritarian approach to parenting is to "exercise maximum control and to expect unquestioning obedience. Children may perceive such parents as rejecting and as refusing to give them any autonomy. Parent-child interaction is not the give-and-take of a developing relationship but the giving of orders by a superior to a subordinate. In case of infraction of the rules, discipline is likely to be both severe and physical" (Lauer & Lauer).

Permissive parenting is just what it sounds like. The approach is to "minimize any control. Children are encouraged to make their own decisions and develop their independence with few or no parental constraints or guidance. Parent-child interaction may consist of parental acceptance and approval of whatever the children decide to do" (Lauer & Lauer). 

Last but not least, we have the authoritative parenting style. This approach is to "put boundaries on acceptable behavior within a warm, accepting context. Children are likely to perceive such an atmosphere as one that encourages their autonomy, controls their behavior moderately, and allows them to express their opinions and develop their own decision-making ability. Parent-child interaction is generally characterized by affection, a certain amount of give-and-take, but relatively clear expectations for the children's behavior" (Lauer & Lauer). 

Can you relate to either of these parenting styles? Here's a link to an online assessment of your own parenting perceptions and ideals: What's Your Parenting Style?

The authoritative parenting style is the happy middle ground between the authoritarian and the permissive approaches. It is associated with the maximum well-being of children. "Children can survive an authoritarian or a permissive parenting style, but they are unlikely to thrive. Instead, they are prone to develop attitudes and behavior that are detrimental both to high-quality interpersonal relationships and to their own physical and emotional well-being" (Lauer & Lauer).